International Women’s Day 2023

International Women’s Day on March 8, 2023, is a day to celebrate the heroes who have championed the rights of women, acknowledge the battles fought and the battles to come, and embrace all women in their successes and their struggles, no matter the community. Whether a topic of LGBTQ+, straight, race, or identity, women could be considered the largest class of humans discriminated against in history. Reflecting on global and national gender issues is important. 

Globally, there are just as many women as men. In 2022 in the United States, women outnumber men in all but ten states. Yet the gap in gender equality rights favors men, and it is not surprising that our nation’s capital has the lowest ratio of women to men. Women face inequality in the workplace, in education, and at home. Women face higher rates of gender-based violence.  These are all big societal issues in one of the most developed nations of the world. For me, it is a day to reflect on my own experiences as a woman and the challenges my daughters and granddaughter will face. 

My generation began with a theme song, “I am Woman”, hear me roar.  I was raised at a time when woman’s rights had won the right to vote, the beginnings of the rights to control decisions over our bodies, and the elusive Equal Rights Amendment. I had the notion of being able to go to college and become whatever I wanted to be in a world that was still male-dominated. But even with a career, I was raised with an expectation that I would marry, take my husband’s name, have children, and any career would take a backseat to my his. My role was to be the caregiver, the gatherer to his hunter. 

I was raised at a time when woman’s rights had won the right to vote, the beginnings of the rights to control decisions over our bodies, and the elusive Equal Rights Amendment.

I started my career as a chef, completing my culinary education at a school run by an old-school European chef who firmly believed the only kitchen a woman belonged in was the one at home. He likely would have refused all female candidates if it were not for federal financial aid requirements. Still, I persisted and successfully made a 20-plus-year career in the restaurant industry. However, I was paid less for my efforts and struggle to support my family. I was discriminated against in promotions because I had to meet the demands of pregnancies, child care, and schooling. Even with protections, companies can be adept at navigating around them in their favor.

Twenty-some-odd years ago, I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy. My rainbow baby. My pride and joy, of holding him for the first time in my arms, not even hearing the pronouncement of the sex. Just the sound of his cries and his newborn baby smell. Grateful that, after six weeks of bedrest, this child conceived after a painful loss, was born healthy. While I loved being a mother, my employer pushed me out of my position as I did not fit the “model” of a manager. After an extended leave followed by the normal challenges of a newborn, I could no longer put in the sixty to eighty hours that was expected. My FMLA was exhausted after the complications of my pregnancy. I moved on but continued to be bitter for years about the unrealistic expectations of a professional career designed for men who did not have the same expectations as a parent. 

I was trapped in abusive relationships, caged by the typical gender roles that reinforce inequality. When I left one of these relationships, I had three small children in tow. I cried in the office of the local agency that was supposed to help women succeed. With no home, no childcare, and possibly the loss of my job, I struggled to find a path to stability. I expected assistance in finding housing and daycare. What I received was a phone book slapped down in front of me and instructed to “start making calls.” 

Ten years ago, my youngest child became a double rainbow, revealing her true identity and transitioning from male to female while in high school. I went from two sons and a daughter to two daughters and a son. I am proud of her strength but fear for the discrimination she may face. Not only as transgender but as a woman in a society that still sees sex as unequal. We went to the courthouse together to change her name legally. I stood outside changing rooms and restroom stalls to allow her the freedom to use the room that matched her identity. I stood proudly, but in fear of confrontation. 

Two years ago, I became a widow. While this was a life-changing event, I finally was free from many of the expectations that still exist today for women. A big quandary was about what to do with my name. Names define us, not only in our own perception but in the perception of others. Having been married three times and feeling no connection to my maiden (patriarchal) name, I struggled with wanting to own my identity. Just as I stood with my daughter when she legally changed her name, I will stand in front of a judge and embrace a new me. This small act may only have context for me, but I will feel empowered every time I use my name. 

Sadly, the United States ranks 38th in the world in a new study about gender equality. But I see hope in the future. The recent erosion of women’s rights in America has created a backlash. I see women coming together stronger than ever.  As an individual, I can make noise. I can speak to the discrimination I have faced in the business world, how gender roles impacted my relationships, and how I will teach my children to stand for gender equality.  Together, we can make a sound. We are women, hear us roar. 

Teresa Boardman
Guest Blog

Resources

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