“How to Overcome the Holi-Day Woes” by Bethesda Alum, Rev. Paul Grace-Neal
The holidays are supposed to be a joyous time of year. First, eating turkey and the rest of the fixin’s to the point we are stuffed is supposed to make us thankful. And seeing the stores decorated with Pine Trees and lights and hearing the carols on the radio is supposed to elicit a happy feeling inside all. But the truth… most people don’t share this gleeful experience. I dread the holiday times every year. Family, blood and chosen, place unpleasant demands upon me.
Holiday parties force me to be present and outgoing when all I want to do is stay introverted and sleep in. Gift exchanges tap into my nonexistent discretionary fund. I often sink into a deep depression because I don’t have the will or energy to tell others that the fact that I don’t want to be with them throughout the holidays does not mean I don’t enjoy their presence and support. I would just rather see them the other ten months of the year. My mother died in October. My aunt passed one summer but her birthday was on Christmas day. And so many people die in the colder months during the holidays, so this time of year is often a time to reflect upon what I lack than what I am grateful to have.
Seasonal Affective Disorder often rears its ugly head about this time of year too. It’s cold and dark and I just want to be warm and bright. By the time I leave work at 5pm, I have missed the brief glimpse of sunlight. It’s real depressing.
Baby Jesus being born in a manger to save the world brings a lot of people hope but what if someone is homeless, unemployed, hungry, and can’t provide for themselves and their families? Where is the hope in that?
Well, there is hope. You are still here. The last time you attempted suicide was unsuccessful. That is hope. It means the universe still needs you. The universe needs your voice and presence so that no other soul will experience your pain. Share your pain and how you navigate through your depression and thrive. You are resilient filled with fortitude. Seek joy in the small things. A few second-long smile, a satiating meal, or a pleasant and unexpected hello are ways for you to feel appreciated and loved if only loved by you. I have learned through the tears, suicidal ideation and depression to advocate for myself. Taking the initiative to communicate my needs lifts my depression a bit. I plan gatherings after the holidays have passed or before they initially begin. What about Christmas in July with a beach party theme?
I know when your life’s journey is incongruent with family members’ expectations, life can be challenging. I have learned not to allow others’ perception and expectations of me define me. I am Black. I am Transgender. I have been lesbian and bisexual. If that offends them, I don’t accept it. I acknowledge their discord as theirs and I keep it moving.
I also focus on what I have, tangible and abstract, while focusing on my goals and dreams so that I can have more to be grateful for next holiday season. I recondition my mind to not think of me as a failure but one who continues to learn, grow and flourish. I pick myself up when I fall and occasionally ask others for assistance, recognizing that I am not an island but desire and require a community to attain and be all the Divine has destined me to be.
Self-care is especially important this time of year. Take the time to rest, get a massage or manicure or pedicure. Start journaling and meditating and release the negativity as you release your thoughts and conversations with the Divine. Take yourself out to five-star restaurant and order dinner for one. Do you and love you.
Hoping you joyful and peaceful holi-days in the weeks to come.
About the Author
Rev. Paul Grace-Neal, affectionately known as Rev. G, is an intersectional Black Trans* Man. He uses poetry as a way of chronicling life’s challenges and celebrations. Since being diagnosed with Bipolar in 1994, Rev. G strives to survive and encourage others to live life abundantly. He was recently ordained and installed as The Minister of Transgender Education, Resources, and Community Outreach of The Community Church of Washington DC United Church of Christ. He has served as a Licensed Practical Nurse since 2003 and is a proud Fraternity Brother of Alpha Omega Kappa Fraternity, Incorporated.
