You are a thief.
You came, crept in quietly,
Just like a thief in the night.
I had no warning,
I had no weapon with which to fight.
You robbed me of my laughter
Of the passion in my heart, mind, and soul.
You took away my joy.
Yet no one took you to prison.
Instead, you became the gatekeeper,
Standing guard, you watched over me
Not to protect me,
But to keep my mind imprisoned
Whatever I tried, I could not break free.
You tortured me with evil and scary thoughts
All the while laughing at another,
Another one of your thousands of victims.
You are a hunter.
I tried to outrun you,
I fled each room of the house
For you were there.
If I ran out into the wood,
I’d see your shadow through the trees,
I needed to escape—if only I could!
If I stood on a mountaintop,
You would find me.
If I found the darkest, deepest cave,
You’d be waiting for me.
If I stood in broad daylight,
I’d still be your prey.
With your bow and arrow,
Whatever weapons you chose,
Your net had me entangled
Your chains had me bound.
I was caught.
How I hate thee!
You robbed me of my happiness,
You robbed me of me!
You are the Darkness.
You cover my eyes
So all I see is dark and gray.
All day long I cry to see the Light,
And I pray that they won’t take me away.
The trees have lost their glory,
The flowers have lost their blooms,
Why have you blinded me so?
I beg for someone to please lift this fog.
Yes, you are my Enemy
You make me feel weak,
When, once upon a time, I believed I was strong.
Some days you knock me to the ground,
And you laugh and spit on me.
You are Evil.
But, some days, I win.
You are a Coward.
Yes, you are Depression.
And, one day,
The precious things that were stolen from me
Will be returned,
I will break the chains
And I will hunt YOU down.
I will be the gatekeeper of my mind,
And I will laugh once again
I will not know Fear,
But I will look in the mirror and see me.
And, life . . .
Life will be just as it should be.
The author, Lindsey Fears, her husband and daughter live in Tyler, Texas with their two dogs and cat. Lindsey is in the stages of recovery from postpartum depression and anxiety, and feels that the terrors she went through deepened her faith in God. It also gave her the desire to help others and she has created her own postpartum depression support group in Tyler, Texas, called Wings4Moms (www.wings4moms.com) where there was no such group when she herself was struggling. She wants to let other mothers going through the same illness she endured that there is always hope.
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