Alcohol Awareness Month: Drank to Cope
By: SFC Ernie Mariscal (RET)
Keep up the Fight!
When I retired in 2012 from the United States Army after serving 21 years, I was ready to start a new life in the civilian world. When I signed out and was driving home for three hours, I was so ready to start getting phone calls, and emails from companies that wanted me to go work for them. I mean why would not they, right before I retired, I oversaw a 75-man platoon and was responsible for over a billion dollars’ worth of equipment and vehicles. With all that experience why would not they want someone like me on their team or working alongside them? After several months of expecting calls from businesses, I did not get one call at all. When that happened, I started questioning my accomplishments, I questioned who I was and worst of all, I questioned my worth.
I started drinking to ease the stress in my life but drinking made me sink deeper into depression and eventually started thinking about suicide because my worth was at zero in my mind. I was a Senior leader in the Army and now I can’t even find a job, and I felt I was letting myself down along with my family, so being alive made me feel I was a burden to everyone. The more I drank the worse I became with my negative thoughts, my depression, and my PTSD, so I figured drinking more would only numb me to the world and to my misery. I didn’t want to reach out for help because I would feel more like a failure and drinking took me away mentally from everything and everyone who I felt was ashamed of me. I got to a point where I was about to end it all and, on that day, I got a phone call asking if I would go to the high school and speak about my military career. I first I wanted to say no because of my mental status, but something kept telling me to say yes. When I stood in front of those students, I felt peace, I felt belonging and best of all I felt worth and that is when I knew I found my new mission in life!
We all want change, but the change starts with us creating a different life where we become productive instead of self-destructive!
After I told the class about my military career, many questions were asked by the students, but there was one question that stood out to me. The student asked me, “What is a Veteran?”, now I have worked with many great men and women throughout my military career, but there was one experience that I had to share. It was one chilly morning at Ft Benning Georgia, and we were getting ready to start our physical training and I was introduced to a new guy, SGT Chatham. In the Army, we have an unwritten rule that when you get a new guy, you smoke them. That means either you make them throw up or pass out, but one of the two is going down today! I was like, nice to meet you, SGT Chatham, I am SSG Mariscal and we are going on a nice five-mile run, so stretch out so we can begin our run. We started at a good pace then I took him to Cardiac Hill so that I can truly evaluate his heart and soul going up that hill. We both gave everything we got going up that hill and not once did SGT Chatham back down. We both got to the top of that hill, and we had another quarter mile to go to the end we were both tired and I looked at him and asked, how are you feeling? He said I am feeling good, but my leg is bothering me. That is when I felt as if I won this battle, I then told him we will meet up at the motor pool because that is where we both worked as instructors. I got there before him, and as he walked towards me, he had a limp and I had my smile and that is when I asked him again, how are you feeling? He said it was just his leg was bothering him. He proceeded to sit in front of me and then lifted his pant leg and with every inch of him lifting his pant leg, my pride and ego faded away. SGT Chatham had a prosthetic leg; I mean this guy could’ve said slow down because of his leg or take it easy on me because of his leg. He then told me how his unit came under attack and was ambushed by insurgents in Iraq and an RPG went through his Bradley ripping his leg clean off. He was sent to Germany to learn how to walk again, learn how to be a father again, learn all these things, and not once feel sorry for himself. When someone asks me what a Veteran is, that is the story I tell them, because that is who we are, we adapt we overcome, and attack our hill in life!
Yes, I was in the dark because I lost my mission, but I say to you brothers and sisters, become the light and start fighting through the darkness because you are worth every second of the fight. I created an outlet; I created action instead of inputting negative habits into my life. We all want change, but the change starts with us creating a different life where we become productive instead of self-destructive!
SFC Ernie Mariscal
Guest Blog
Resources
If you or someone you know needs help, reach out 24/7 to the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline by dialing or texting 988 or using chat services at suicidepreventionlifeline.org to connect to a trained crisis counselor.
You can also get crisis text support via the Crisis Text Line by texting STORY to 741741.
For additional help, please visit our resource page.
